Holelee...days

a quiet battle

2010-07-27T00:40:00.001+08:00

obedience.

keep the commandments

do I sway for worldly returns?

do I yearn for non-eternal

do I see beyond the physical

do I follow you my one true LORD.

2010-07-17T23:40:00.000+08:00

GOD heal my son, watch over my daughter.

妈妈生日快乐

2010-07-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

祝你生日快乐

祝你生日快。乐

祝你。生日。。快。乐

祝你生日快乐

Happy Birthday to you

happy Birthday to MAMA

Happy Birthday to you

thank you

2010-04-27T01:22:00.002+08:00

Thank YOU GOD!

Thank YOU Parents

Thank YOU Puppy

Thank YOU Dora

Thank YOU FooLukShou

Thank YOU JieJie

Thank YOU Peppies

Thank YOU Clients

Thank YOU D

I love you.

July 1999 KayuAra - 26th April 2010 MerchantSquare.

contagious saddness

2010-03-16T00:25:00.002+08:00

你伤心，我伤心，他伤心。

这日子，怎么都伤心？

还要来做什么？

要来做什么？

the new world

2010-03-16T00:05:00.002+08:00

I was just thinking.

as it has been very hot

scorchingly hot

and then it rained

thunderstorm

people fall sick

a lot of people die

so perhaps thousand years ago

they decided that

this will be the season

for all souls day

not no for any unexplainable

supernatural phenomenon

rather that the human body

cannot withstand drastic change of weather as such

especially the young, the old and weak.

I was just thinking.

if you can design refrigerator to preserve freshness

perhaps we can design a GIANT mammoth almost

one to house communities

perhaps just perhaps

we can spray on a preservative of sort

and we can live longer and healthier

and then who cares if it rain or

if it shine?

obsessive compulsive perfectionist

2010-02-25T00:04:00.002+08:00

Spell my name with L and then end it with a V.

that's my worth.

I want to reach the top,

that's my worth.

Chinese speaks Mandarin, English and BM.

who cares if you have a stomach ache.

tuition as usual

music, ballet and arts..

left brain, right brain plus the damn mind maps.

pass the baton to those tiny hands,

let them shoulder our insecurities, mistakes and failures.

No this is a Generation of Knowledge, Technology and Opportunity.

Generation of Obsessive Compulsive Perfectionists.

Don;t look at the TV now.. your homework is more important.

Don't look at me now cos I have 100 things to do

I am too busy making money..

becos your name is spelt with L and I will end it with V

that's your worth.

我的妹妹又生日了。

2010-02-19T22:28:00.004+08:00

阿琳。昨天你又生日了。农历生日。

又唱生日歌，又切cake了。

但我觉得假如这世界有（you又）人应该生日两次，那应该是你。

不会懂得放弃的你，一个大胆的你，一个如此喜欢帮人的你，

一个如此爱生命的你，

如此宽容的心，热血奔腾的你。

假如没有真正的爱这生命，那来这么向往知道未来？

那来这么多力气改善自己，改善他人？

但我觉得假如你真的想知，我说，这将来，别急，

就象有两次生日的快乐，奖是非常非常

幸福的。

姐姐阿清（庆）启

Being a child is about colours

2010-02-19T22:06:00.004+08:00

being a child is about colours

where red

where orange

where blue

where yellow

where green

where purple

where pink

black and brown

are all allowed to be together.

no prejudice just preference.

being a child

it is ok to

cry

laugh out loud

to be angry

where dreams visit every hour

where needs and wants are the same

to be a child again ... is to be free again

p.s. to all of you who never give up in looking for the child in your lives, thank you.

taipei tapao

2009-12-05T00:49:00.002+08:00

Hay Hay

2009-12-02T00:01:00.006+08:00

Hayley (pronounced /ˈheɪli/) is a given name and a surname of Old English origin that means "from the hay meadow",^[1]although it has been suggested that it is from the Old Norse word "haela" meaning "hero"

she came in a little package, she came as a surprise.

when he told me quite confidently almost in a conceited manner that she is a girl,

I prayed that she would have big eyes.

some nights I wonder why did God bless me so quickly with another while I was left years waiting for my first.

I saw a beautiful model, brunette, dark brown eyes in the discovery channel one night. Brightest smile.

if i had a daughter, I wish for her to be like her.. A Hayley.

Hayley a Hero.

She lives up to her name

Her stem cells was collected during birth in hope that one day...

She was only two when she took a tissue from the box to wipe the tears off my face

She shifts the stray strands of hair off my face with her tiny fingers

She gives tiny massage to me, my relatives and friends

She brings her brother to class before going to her own

She asked others to leave her brother alone and not to bully him (a privilege she reserves for herself)

She thinks she knows alot so she has plenty to share

we call her auntie becos she reminds us of one..

She Nags

just that day she asked me to wear my clothes properly.

God knew I needed an Angel .. but he know I am a skeptic.. So Hay.

Mama loves you.. happy birthday baby. you are mama's hero.

痛

2009-11-13T22:36:00.002+08:00

真还是假？

难

分。

我心很痛

好象

肌肉一样

痛

非常

难

受。

有过一样的感觉

又来

不想说

但

又来

你不要听那也就吧了。

Capital B

2009-11-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

Bastards..

listen

2009-10-30T01:07:00.002+08:00

y
listen
u
listen
sh
listen
tick
listen
you watching
you reading
you
why don;t you
listen
if God listens
why don't
we
listen
ssh
listen
arrogance hush
fools
why don;t you
listen

the fan

2009-08-20T01:11:00.004+08:00

when I was young,

I used to sit in a classroom

which had no aircon

it came only with a ceiling fan

turning and turning

one day when I looked up

the ceiling fan didn't look quite fasten to the ceiling

it swing violently

the only thing that is holding it was the wires

and it looked as if it was going to fall off the ceiling

I was rather terrified

I was afraid it would drop and chop my head off with its crazy swinging out of control blades

It didn't of course

ceiling fans only existed in school and hospitals

not in HDB flats cos the ceiling were just too low for them

when I came to malaysia

I was surprised to find them in houses

Eventually I got a chance to own a house of my own

and I had to make a choice between standing fan or the ceiling fan

the fear of crazy ceiling fan never left me

But they told me the ceiling fan is more effective in cooling room area than standing fan

and they also explained to me that one must fasten a hook on the beam

and the fan will be hooked to the beam hence it is very very safe

I bought the ceiling fan and got some expert to install it

it turns and cools the room

but I still stare at it and take photo of it

becos you just never know...

Waitng for Harvest

2009-08-14T23:59:00.003+08:00

cut the trees,

clear the land,

plough the fields,

sow the seeds,

nurse the young,

pluck the weeds,

watch the crops,

sit and wait

watch up the sky,

feel the heat.. feel the damp

work the fields,

wait for harvest

wait..

as green turns to gold

knows

harvest is good

season after seasons

they pray to the sky

they pray that the unforeseen will be taken care of..

they did what we do

with eyes half blind we followed our guts

we whispered a prayer and do what needed to be done

we worked "the fields"

with sweats, tears and blood though they are almost hard to see

we have physical muscles to show

but we know we are tough as bulls

we know that regardless how the locust plagues

we will not forsake

a mission we were call upon to do

so when it time to harvest

the dance is for God and us

for we know the harvest is good

the Harvest is for us.

syringe

2009-08-14T01:46:00.002+08:00

O.. Pull it out.
yank it.
Draw out your syringe
relieve me the pain
Spread the word
pain is unbearable
you animal..
You've punctured a hole..
draw whatever you want
but withdraw your syringe..
relieve me..

Definitely Not Necessary

2009-08-12T01:24:00.003+08:00

Plagues happen due to negligence.

Due to conceitedness

Due to intended forgetfulness

I was at the accident and emergency ward today and a few days ago.

like a war zone, the casualties are flooding through the doors.

Everyone is wearing mask. Cannot tell who has the flu and who hasn't.

I start to think why are there so many people becoming sick.

Poor nutrition.. due to the poor quality of food produce.

stress lack of sleep....pollution.. bad water..

then Plague strikes and suddenly everything is forced to a halt.

everything everyone is scrutinised

when the drugs don't work..

we humble ourselves to seek help from our divine forces

Precaution is better than cure..

Do take care..

The storyteller

2009-07-26T18:25:00.005+08:00

2+5 = 7 ... july = 7... 1st of july is 7
7 is a Perfect number..

God rested on the Seventh day, sanctified it and made it holy.

a creative soul listens, understands, empathises and feels..
a creative heart retells
a creative being inspires
a creative's art never dies..

I remember because on a joyous occasion you made me sad,
I remember because on a tough day you made it easy
I remember because on a sad night you made me smile

I will remember because you left me gifts
My children will remember because I will not forget.

YA: "I want."
DO: "Madam, this is the best I can do. I cannot bring it to you because I don't know where you are."

Rest in Peace Story teller Yasmin

starting point

2009-07-24T18:04:00.004+08:00

The body has finally gave in to the constant abuse and neglect. During the pursuit, one has forgotten the reason.

it is for the money. with the money they feel they have the right.

the right to demand

the right to bargain

the right to abuse

we gave in

because we were after the money

the money which promises the life we want

if we have the money, we would possibly have a key to open that treasure box.

with this it gave us a right

the right to excuse

the right to absent

the right to abuse

hours passed..

with narrow focus we continue to pursue

that is the purpose to our life..

doesn't matter so long as we are an inch closer to our imagination

when it is over..

we suddenly begin to pay the price which was due as a result of our pursuit

the Money we wanted instead of building that dream went

to the doctor

to the shrink

to the many material demands

to our vices

we realised we are now further away from the dream..

a figment of our narrowed imagination.

holding the things we have in our hands.. our values, our principles, our family, our friends, our community.. our heritage.

we have more than what Money can buy..

we hold our dreams right within our hands

The body has finally gave in to the constant abuse and neglect. During the pursuit, one has forgotten the reason.

suddenly black out .. you are called HOME ..

just like that

just like that ..

its over ...

Imagine at what price are we willing to price in pursuit of the dream..

CMYK

2009-07-21T22:26:00.004+08:00

it would seem too obvious..

that red told black..

black watched the red.

what red told to black was not blue

Blue didn't quite appear yellow

but red told black

yellow it would be

it would seem obvious

the yellow is not

blue is neither

what red told black is not

black cannot understand red.

red wouldn't listen

red will just continue to tell black

black wanted to talk too

black has no voice

at this point black realise

black has no voice.

red, blue, yellow and black... CMYK... MCYK... Maybe it Can Yours to taKe...

Making sense

2009-07-12T01:31:00.002+08:00

nothing made sense

6 months to plan a wedding ..

the most beautiful gown

a perfect setting

the perfect smile

a ballroom full of guests

with God's blessing

we set off to fulfill the vows.

we start off with a bed, and we build a house

to fill it with little voices, to fill the emptiness within the hearts

but there was no reflection

no one but ourselves

we are not perfect

we are not

now we have no party

no guest would turn up

no celebration except our own

no one but ourselves..

Now we are one

Making sense..

don't just leave me alone

2009-07-08T01:11:00.003+08:00

a lonely man.
a misunderstood man.
a man obsessed in perfecting his craft.
A life devoted to his art perhaps the one thing he knew he couldn't be wrong.
Million even billions followed him.. yet is there one who would stand up to say he/she truly knew him?
a mutated super human.. for sheer entertainment purpose
for our entertainment we admired him, idolised him as much as scrutinised, persecuted and humiliated.
50years on earth... yet he bore a distorted view of life, beauty and what love is
As he was hidden behind his talents and gifts, he thought without it no one would love him
he changed himself so that he can be Perfect for himself.
Perfection was what he gave in his craft..
I have the good fortune to witness this perfection.
I was fascinated by him, in awe of him, in love with him once..

I waited for him to come back..
I never believed what they said about him...
but I never understood who he is..
He was too big for me... I didn't had a chance to say I saw him performed Live in this lifetime..
His legacy lives... and today I will say Michael Jackson... Thank you.
You have given your all...

end days

2009-07-01T00:15:00.002+08:00

Dear God.

am i blessed to be present during the end days..

where once again we have forgotten you.

where we worshipped so many before you

have you harvested and said time have come for judgements

have you stop blessing us with children as you know there are not much left to offer

have we forgotten the sanctity of holy union

have we decide the write our commandments

God my sky is blurry but the sun is beautifully filtered

God the plague of diseases is travelling, they are at my backyard

God I feel your hands moving me, moulding and carving me into a warrior

God have you forgotten to armour me with courage

cos I fear and tremble

I ask ... Dear God be merciful.

(in Jesus name i pray Amen)

what I learn I use

2009-06-11T01:21:00.002+08:00

chiaroscuro

2009-06-09T00:54:00.003+08:00

Chiaroscuro (Italian for light-dark) is a term in art for a contrast between light and dark. The term is usually applied to bold contrasts affecting a whole composition, but is also more technically used by artists and art historians for the use of effects representing contrasts of light, not necessarily strong, to achieve a sense of volume in modeling three-dimensional objects such as the human body.

I interpret it this way..

every artist has a bitter gourd

2009-05-26T00:55:00.002+08:00

Art is much like bitter gourd.

friendly on the appearance but bitter in its taste.

its an acquired taste. Not every one understands it.

Some absolutely hate the bitterness, while others love to have it every other day.

Cook it this way and that, fry it with eggs, with salt fermented bean paste with pork or chicken,

deep fried with curry powder or boiled into soup.

Diabetics take them for its medicinal properties..

So when art is as obscure as bitter bitter gourd..

I have since grown up and acquired a taste for it .. a love.

the taste which like no ordinary... lingers long after the matter dissolved

it has worked its way into my system, bringing a general well being.

there stands one who has a bitter seed growing within..

Cultivate a new species known as

bitter gourd padi.. small yet bitter like hell.

to all YOU bitter artists of this world.. may your bitterness lives long, lingers and torments the living soul-less who wonders.... in search...

Oh Mr Prime Minister

2009-05-20T22:55:00.011+08:00

he has stepped into his office... sat onto his long awaited seat.
The crowd whispers.. the controversy looms.
A queue awaits.. the starved must be fed.
as he climbs up his pedestal, he knows he must be read.
What else could serve up better.. than to pronounce he is 1.
For at least the legacy he leaves behind, is the 1 that none deny.
On the left sits his kin, on the right sits a Maverick.
Both knew this is his time.. but both with a bone to pick.

Today I flipped my news, today I saw we've been used..
While you proclaimed we as ONE.
Rest assured, We will be the ones, you lose.

Shadow

2009-05-19T23:11:00.011+08:00

Happy Birthday Panda!
A cheerful face walked into my office one day. She is hoiyan, her pants caught my eyes.
She was here to interview for a part time art director position.
My company was struggling to find a footing as a design firm.. I couldn't afford a full time art director but badly needed creative directing. She showed me her portfolio which kept a range of creative, intelligent, well planned yet simple design works. She was a perfect fit.
Since she joined, she has sat in my room and taught me much about design, account servicing, business management, marketing, human resource management, arts in malaysia etc. etc. most importantly about life and living it.
On my birthday in 2005, she gave me a blank journal with only a few pages decorated with photos taken by her from different places. As i examined the photos I see:
Colour, sepia, black and white. Symmetrical, asymmetrical. Subjects from plants to architecture to babies. From Malaysia to Bali to China. From inside the living room to the bustling streets of KL.
Depths, rhythm, light and shade, harsh light, soft shadows, subtle to obvious. Ultra clear to the fuzzy. The single to a quad... She has done it all. Before facebook, before SLR, before iphone.
She has taught me much.. perhaps with perhaps without her knowledge. She travelled to ipoh,to penang, to kuching with me. Together we went and explore off beat places, I stayed in a backpacker's joint instead of fancy hotel, we saw cultural things or walks into lives of locals.

The complexity in her intellect is not reflected from the simplicity in her dressing or her living. She made me looked at my world differently and led to find a group of people whom I aspire to think alike.

Today I celebrated her birthday. Sheepishly I showed up without a present. I asked her what would you like? Thinking to myself, perhaps something for her new found hobby "baking" or even Ikea vouchers. But with a voice equalled to an excited kid she told me "I want your photos, print it out big and frame it like that." pointing to the photo I hanged in my office. I am dumbfounded.. I am in shock...

Panda, you are an extraordinary person.. your creativity has surpassed art form and has intertwined into different facets of life. You are so creative and knowledgeable, so brave to challenge the norms, so generous in sharing your knowledge, all through actions and not by words. As I try to keep up.. you are already miles ahead. You said you see your shadow in my photos. Perhaps you should know I am the one chasing your shadow.

I thank you and dedicate this blog to you..

Happy Birthday Panda Yap Hoi Yan.

p.s extraordinary people touch my life everyday

My Husband

2009-05-18T00:28:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to You Puss.

You are a very special man.

I love you so dearly.

Ironic

2009-05-16T23:39:00.010+08:00

I thought about falling into the river, but I coaxed myself telling myself no it won't happen to me.

I decided I have all my friends including my hubby surrounding me, like a human barricade i will be fine. I said a prayer, listen to the safety instructions, without a second thought I jumped into the raft and brave the current.

Not bad for a freaking first timer with aqua phobia who can't swim for nuts.

The irony is I who was most paranoid about falling ended up being the first to fall out of the raft. it was only 5 mins max from time we started and BOOM the warm up rapids hit us and out I flew.. I went straight into the water.. nothing to cling on to..wash away quickly by the strong currents. first thing in my mind is OH NO.. this cannot be.. my biggest fear! then while drinking a whole lot of water, I told myself.. do do do ..float float ..do what the instructor say.. as the current wash me further further.. I felt really helpless.. sad that this has happened.

Suddenly the current became mildly and I saw myself moving towards BIG ROCKs.. it then daunts on me to go grab so I will stop flowing downstream. Just in the nick of time, SALVATION.. a fellow rafter came and pull me up into their raft. So just like that I am saved.

I have 2 mins to recover before I rejoin my friends in my raft and we are back to brave more rapids.. The Next one is BOOM BOOM. BIGGEST ONE..

Funny that few seconds seem symbolical to the chain of events that has happened in my life in recent years. Life is unpredictable.. its full of rapids.... when I fell right to the pits .. when I thought this is it.. someone came and pull me right out. You can imagine what it would be liked, fear it, rehearse and rehearse the emergency drill but until an actual event happens you will never know how you would react.. I know I am fighter .. I fight amidst my fear, my sadness, my weakness, my despair, my inadequacies... I hung tight onto a fact in this lifetime there is much left undone..and I will fight till God calls me home and say this is good enough. Best of all, I rejoiced on the fact that when I am back from rock bottom, my love ones, my friends, my fellow warriors are there to share the moment with me.

Wong Seng Chow - Rice Wine & Dancing Girls

2009-05-13T23:50:00.007+08:00

Firstly I must confess, I am not an ardent book reader.

I failed in my multiple attempts to read a book. I sometimes find a book, read it half way and lost interest. Sometimes I find the book too long winded and I skipped right to the end portion and forget the in betweens. I have many books of all kinds, from cookery books, travel books, business books, advertising books etc. etc. and then the faithful story books.

I don;t like novels many too fictitious for my fancy. But on pre mother's day. My hubby and I plus Hay went to Annexe the alternative book fair. There I found a book. Title: Rice Wine & Dancing Girls by Wong Seng Chow. Well yes it is the cover.. the cover caught my eye. the sub head reads:

The real -life drama of a roving cinema manager in Fifties Malaysia and Singapore. as I scanned through the book, I helplessly fell in love with the old black and white pictures. And as I read the first 2 pages of the book, I fell immediately in love with reading again.

I paid Rm35 for this book and couldn't wait to start reading it immediately.

first day I reached page 60, but I left the book at the office yesterday now I am at page 97.

an achievement.

A father's tale told by his son, by accident cos its only later that the son found his father's journal entries of his life.

today's read: "This wasn't the first time I had travelled on a boat.When I was five or six years old, my parents made a trip back to China with me in tow and my sister Ching, who was barely two years old, strapped to my mother back in a cloth craddle. We had to make our way to Singapore first and then board a crowded tongkang (bumboat) that ferried us to a steamer bound for hong kong. Seated at the bottom of the tongkang and surrounded by adults, all I could see was the sky above, just like the proverbial frog at the bottom of the well. I don't remember much about the actual journey to Hong Kong or how we got to the mainland after that....." 3 paras later

"Again I don't remember much about our return journey except for the humiliating experience when we disembarked in Singapore. Deck passengers were herded like animals into bumboats and dumped at St John's Island, which had a lazaretto and was used as a quarantine station to deal with Cholera-infected immigrants. We were forced to cleanse ourselves by taking surphur baths and have all our belongings fumigated before being allowed to step ashore on the main island. When I think about it , the amazing thing about the whole trip was that I was perfectly alright during the long voyage to and fro. ..."

Amazing. 4 to 5 decades ago.. travelling to China via tongkang. I would not have survived 2 hour boat ride let alone days and weeks. my mother told me she went back to china by boat too when she was around 6 years old. How would she have endured the journey is again a real fascination. Herded around to take surphur bath? how inhumane yet an act to preserve humanity? so ironic. How could one have endured this. With H1N1, bird flu, Mad cow, SARS, would the day come when we too be herded into confined camps for surphur baths or perhaps acid baths.

As I sit lamenting on all my daily frustrations, like a little spoilt brat.. I read and realised how far we have come. while a few days on the tongkang was once considered a short journey, I now cringed on the idea of spending few hours in an airplane. My ancestors travelled weeks under horrendous circumstances to a promise land in search for Prosperous future for their descendants. KONG KONGS n MAH MAHs KAM SIA Thank You. I pray that your spirits of perseverance and endurance continues to live in me.. make me strong and make me shine for your pride.

Good Night my beloved, lets do good tomorrow.

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T00:35:00.004+08:00

爱，没有要求，代价，时间，止境。

无限，无怨。

一生，一世。

不理，我好我坏。我小我大。我男我女。

眼开眼闭。

只因，我是你儿。

妈妈我一抱你，我又小回。

永远长不大的我，有你真好真好。

我对你的爱，非你给我大，但一样一生一世。无边无境。

How does One Say Goodbye?

2009-05-06T22:12:00.009+08:00

Ssh.. don't mention the word.. how could you.

Its so unfair. Have you not think about your parents?

In face of danger, sadness and despair.. sometimes the word 'Die' flash cross my head.

It even stays for while. I shared this thought with my closest ones and it really takes a lot for them to convince me otherwise. I think perhaps God knew, he needs to give me a reminder to stick around, until its due time, so he planted KB and Hay into my system. Just the one thought of them losing their mother is enough to hold me back from thinking further.

Being a Mother is a privilege.

So how does a mother say goodbye? Angie diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago and when her condition worsened this year. When doctor tells you, you have less than 1 week to live, in times like this how do you say your goodbye? Amidst her pain i.e. jaundice, chemotherapy, swollen legs, blood clots... she planned her exit. She said her goodbyes to friends to her relatives, to her siblings, to her mother, to her husband and then to her young children. She will have to leave knowing that she cannot be there..when they are afraid, when they get hurt, when they fall sick and when they cry.. Now with that in mind, how do you leave with a smile on face?

How can you leave leaving a smile on others faces?

With all the energy, she has left, she channelled her fears, pains and sorrows, into pride, joy, dignity and optimism. She says life has to carry on, however ways we have been dealt with.

Focus not on the DIE but rather How the Person have LIVED. She celebrates, thank and praise. She comforts the sad and lost. Again, I cannot understand, why I took on such interest in someone I have never met. But as I looked, I find this lady more amazing. She inspires me and makes me reflect, what would I like out of this life? And like her, how and what I would celebrate for at my departure.

P.S. RIP Angie.. I dedicate tonight's blog to you, your three children, your husband and your family. Thank You, You have inspired me.

That day when you arrived at Heaven, I looked up into the sky and it was child like, fluffy clouds... it was... Happy. God bless your children and your husband.

angiemoments.blogspot.com/

All I need

2009-05-05T23:53:00.005+08:00

Dear God,

Please forgive if I have sinned against you.

Please forgive if I have done wrong against my neighbours.

Please allow me an unusual way of praying using my blog.

I want to pray for my children, Father please keep them healthy. Please take the fever away from Kobe. Heavenly Father, please watch over my Hayley girl the little artist. Please help her remember the word 草. Please help her remember to dot the 树. Please help her remember the chinese spelling. Please remind her in her heart and her mind that she is precious to me, and I love her so dearly. Please hold Kobe's hands, please whisper words to remind him what a special boy he is and how clever he is. Please tell him that I love him so very much and he has to learn to read a book to me.

Heavenly father, take care of my parents. Keep them happy and in love. Keep them healthy.

Father, I pray for health, strength, courage and peace for my beloved husband. You will be right there mentoring him in all tough situations he faces. That in you there will be no fear. Remind him that I so love him and I think about him during my day.

As I walk on this path with you Lord. I thank you for opening my eyes to this world, bringing so many wonderful people into my life. Though sometimes, I feel like I am in a dark forest, seeing no end. I have faith that you are right there with me. Give me fresh eyes, give me a soft sensitive heart, give me strength and confidence. Give me wisdom father.

I pray for my siblings and in laws, that you keep them close under your watchful eyes. Let them find joy peace and comfort in you. I pray for my colleagues, that in the deep night as they retire into their bedrooms, God will you whisper to them that they are so gifted and special. They have done so well. They have truly displayed your marvelous creations in the best manner.

Lord, I am tired tonight, I must confess. So many thoughts running through my head which I feel lost trying to switch them off. I pray that Father, you will too whisper in my ears to say that "Diane, that's good enough, you have done well"

I thank you Lord. You are indeed my God.

In Jesus name, I pray Amen.

Calling for All

2009-05-01T00:55:00.004+08:00

I am in between.

My mom tried to talk to me. She illustrated with several examples.

The victorious rise of the underdogs.

She said its strange but she feels this is the season for the underdogs.

Look at Slumdogs Millionaires then look at Susan Boyle, which I have never heard of prior to tonight.

Who would have thought?

Really who would have thought the sickly brat.. being creative?

Drama from the drama.

Well watch out for the new super hero the "Admin Guy"

entering the dark cynical artistic world, cutting through the thick gloomy clouds,

casting sparkles, showering administrative love, rescuing lost creative souls...

Something like this.

My husband told me its like the unpolished diamond, as you polish and polish..

it will sparkles.

you creative souls out there. Check this out lah.

http://www.artween.com

what if there's really nothing.

2009-04-28T22:40:00.005+08:00

I showed my mom my photos. She looks at some very careful. She skipped a few. She laughed at a few. In the end she chose a few to keep. I was so happy. Mom being mom.

Then I waited. I showed my dad my photos. Its the equivalent to submitting your painting to AWS. All excited .. hopeful that maybe I would score this round. He is a tough judge hard to please. If he said nice, I know I would have been qualified. Made it!

He run through them .. 10s, 20s, 30s.. spending less than secs at each. Some of them are facing him in the wrong direction.. but it wasn't interesting enough for him to even take that extra sec to turn them around to look again. He stopped at a few asking me where were they taken, but those were not my proudest. .. I asked him if he knew the orientation of my photos. He quickly demonstrated he knew and continued skimming them. I wished I never had shown him.

I felt like a 6 year old..that moment. I didn;t feel I had the courage to defend my works.

nothing could have consoled me.

He later told me .. he felt I had 'nothing' in the photos as in everything was of equal emphasis so the audience didn't know what to look at.. He said I was just shooting what i liked.. for myself.

That's so partly true.. what's so special to me has been shared to others. I hope to bring that same fascination I have with them to others too, especially my loved ones.

But I walked away asking myself... seriously what if there's really nothing.. nothing there worth sharing.

p.s. for those of you who kept my photos. Thank you. Thank you very much.

One step Forward ...

2009-04-28T01:37:00.004+08:00

One step forward, two steps back. definition:

"something that you say which means every time you make progress, something bad happens which causes you to be in a worse situation than you were to begin with. Every solution we come up with seems to create more problems than it solves, so it's one step forward, two steps back."

As I took the courage to move ahead.. but things are holding me back.
I cannot really set myself free.
They thought it would not be possible and I have taken ownership to their beliefs.
How could those inaccurate judgments determine an unknown consequence?
They are no longer valid nor appropriate. Why haven't you validate?
I have decided to move ahead.. to move fast.. and to forward.
My thirst is beyond your understandings. I have a Calling don't you know?
The voice ringing inside my head.
A Vision is for me to fulfill.

It will be many many a steps forward.. and there will be no no step back.

Ramly

2009-04-25T23:54:00.006+08:00

extracted from wikipedia

The Ramly Burger, also known as the Burger Ramly, is a Malaysian burger created by Ramly Moknin popular in Malaysiaand Singapore. Though the term "Ramly Burger" may refer to any of the hamburgers sold in a Ramly Burger stall, it most commonly refers to the Ramly Burger Special. While the amount and type of ingredients vary greatly depending on location, a typical Ramly Burger consists of a beef or chicken patty, margarine, onions, an egg, cabbage, mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce and Maggi Seasoning. This list is subjective, however, as Ramly Burgers are famous for being highly customizable.

Oh. i wonder where to find a good ramly burger. I have never heard or seen a ramly burger before I set foot in Malaysia.

When I first saw Ramly I was pretty disgusted by its preparation. I thought burger means macdonalds or burger king. So what is Ramly. I was only introduced to it when my husband's friend BAI and his brother (now deceased God bless his soul) opened a Ramly Stall outside their house. the love affair grew.. and became full blown when I was carrying KB inside me. Everynight I would crave for Ramly. So my fixation for a good Ramly began.

So I often sniffed out where the good Ramly stalls are and tonight I want to share this one with you.

It is called brother stall.. then again any supper stall is called a brother's stall.

Situated outside a corner chinese restaurant bee fatt at Damansara Uptown, opposite the food court.

His Ramly burger scores an 8.5 out 10 on average.

if you are damn hungry it shoots right out of the chart and becomes 10.5 out of 10.

I recommend AYAM SPECIAL TAMBAH CHEEZE.

YOU boleh order apa apa. THE MAGIC IS IN HIS SAUCE.. saya tak tau dalam sos ada apa.. tapi sagat istimewa. hahaaha.

My Hubby orders DAGING SPECIAL.

this place is not suitable for vegetarians or seafood vegetarian.. :(

I strongly recommend a stroll to the neighbourhood magazine stall Selvan or bookstall First Edition for side order.

Magazines goes well with junk food.

YUM YUM YUM. Enjoy.

I am not the only blogger who blog about him check this out.

http://bangsar-babe.blogspot.com/2009/03/brother-john-burger-damansara-utama.html

p.s. brother is actually brother john.. man .. I am smart.

Intangible Tangible

2009-04-24T23:39:00.004+08:00

I was idling at 12.05pm at damansara area.

Too little time to go back office. Too much time to spend before picking up kb at 12.30pm.

I wonder off a few streets away from kb school and as I was driving I found a very interesting bakery cum cafe place. its called the bread shop.

To feed my curiosity, I walked into the shop. The ultra modern industrial interior,basic building materials, golden luscious breads at the counter..oooo

I was so proud of my surprise find.

I looked at the beautiful tempting selection, chose a simple plain roll and a black coffee.

Paid, i chose a seat at the cement counter.. I thought this is just bliss.

But as I am sitting there enjoying the place, I wrote a little something :

You can look

You be inspired

You can emulate

but you cannot take away.

All striped down,

what's in the centre of things and creations

is one's imagination.

I came and I paid RM8 for a plain roll and black coffee.

I didn't pay to eat or drink

I paid to enjoy a part of your dream.

The owner of this place turned an intangible thought i.e dream into a tangible, that tangible place i.e. setting brought out the intangibles,calm, tranquility, comfort, admiration, inspiration, happiness, inside me.

HUMAN THE ALMIGHTY CREATOR OF THINGS.

it all started with a thought, a question of 'what if?', a wild imagination.

I firmly believe that it is those who can turn the intangibles into tangibles which evokes intangibles who are indeed successful.

Let me bring to this place one day and you will understand why I was so inspired.

Candy Shop

2009-04-24T23:10:00.002+08:00

I took 40mins to put my pictures into a Pendrive.

I took my daughter and RM57, I walked into my candy shop.

It took me one day of anticipation.

It took 2 men to save my files, to run it through the machine.

It took 20 mins to develop my photos.

It took 1 friendly lady to talk to me while waiting.

It cost RM55.30 in total.

I took back 150photos.

2 colours 4colours..

I walked out of the candy shop.

I took one look and knew I am the happiest child on earth tonight.

Hole lee Crap!

2009-04-24T01:14:00.004+08:00

Hole lee days..

Hole lee ness..

Hole lee Cow?

but today, all I would like to say is Hole lee Crap!

Full of crap. the kind of crap people can offload is simply amazing.

The amount of crap a person can take before exploding is also equally as amazing.

So its been a productive day.. but yet it too is a pretty crappy day cos some where out in the wild .. some crappy buggers have passed some real dung into our systems.

Real crap.. leaving me and many of us a distaste....

Clouds

2009-04-23T00:03:00.009+08:00

I have been taking photos while I am driving.

Thank God it not against the law to be holding the phone camera.

and as you are driving it difficult to capture a lot of things especially when you are constantly in motion.

So I end up taking a lot of what is stationary. the sky. The sky is vast , bright and filled with interesting forms. The clouds don't move becos I am driving. it stays still as if it is posing for me to take pictures.

I spent a lot of time driving, I honestly hate having to drive so much. I just recently recover from a phobia for driving. I had to distract myself. So I decided to use my handy portable phone camera to take pictures. I really don;t look at what pictures I am taking. I see something I like I just take out the camera and snap snap snap. And its only when I download then I get to see what I have taken. And some of the best pictures feature the clouds in the sky.

They are unpredictable. in many of my pictures are literally the white fluffy cotton clouds. they make you wish you can run between them. But you and i know, that they are not always like this. When they turn dark and gloomy, thick and angry, red, purple grey or black, you and i know what comes after. They flash and roar as if we have done them wrong. They rain and pour gallons and gallons of rain water, as if they are moaning for unrest souls.

There are days, where they made me moody, made me sad, made me worried and made me scared...of course their rain made me wet too. Then just as you think it will never end, the rain stop. And cloudless sky becomes unbearable, and we send planes up into the sky to make clouds again. ..

So people around me, are like clouds. Being with them on their fluffy days are like a walk through heaven. You wish its like that forever. But when you see them turning dark and grouchy, you want to quickly stay far away and hide. But I cannot leave without the clouds that is a fact. I will cloud seed if I have to.

and just like clouds... they too fly away someday ..

Photos

2009-04-21T23:39:00.004+08:00

Look! they are real. you can touch them.

i did this becos of these people... becos they inspired me.

yap hoi yan - she gave me a journal with her treasured photos. She is a creative genius.

janice tyan - another creative soul, my sifu, my biggest cheer leader.

raymond chang whose recent fixation on photography, made me look at photo taking in a different light. you inspired me.

Erna Dyanty- your photos. oooo la la.

dora ong who is always there with encouraging words.

Mojo and Phanie, whose beautiful phototaking habit has really rub off.

Looloo who keeps updating the technical know hows in photography

Joshua who keep posting the ahhhhahhh.. I wish i did that photos.

my dad who I love very much, who gave me the first photos in my life, whose attitude towards life continues to inspire me.

my mom, becos she is my mom and I love her so so so very much.

Hayley and Kobe who taught me to view this life from a different angle.

my green Iphone without you, where will there be my beautiful photos.

Last but not least. God. When I look at the photos I see You and your creations.

Change

2009-04-21T00:34:00.007+08:00

they keep saying the only constant is Change.

If change is a constant and human by default don't like changes.

Constant = Change and Change = Dislikes

Constant = Dislikes

Hence the equation shows that we will be in a constant mode of dislikes and displeasure.

The weather keeps changing. But we kinda adapt accordingly.

Trends keep changing, and we try desperately to adopt

Technology keeps changing and we pay a bomb just to keep up

Cannot say that all change are bad then.

perhaps if we get something out of the change and its something desirable then we won;t resist change as much...

I think we get really touchy if someone change something of our creation, something we take ownership of, something which we feel we have put in alot of effort in doing.

Changing it would be seen as a threat, a sign of disrespect hence we will show a lot of resistance.

Like if you were to change the way I write this blog then you will be asking for it.. the same goes for my photo.

So perhaps, if change is inevitable, then perhaps we should not take so much ownership in things. Make them things of the public... then perhaps when its being changed .. it won't hurt as much.

I blog to help myself tonight.. to talk to myself about issues I face... to explain to myself of why some things happened the way it happened..

Perhaps you can share with me your views about change...

today..a bit tired

2009-04-20T01:31:00.003+08:00

Sports

2009-04-19T03:41:00.005+08:00

Do you know i used to play badminton, table tennis, bowling and then golf?

I used to play badminton with my primary school friend.

I cannot remember her name. She is the only one who would encourage me to play.

I think I am handicapped cos my hand eye coordination is really bad.

But she insisted cos i think she cannot find a partner to play with her.

We would play at the playground behind my house in Jalan Bukit Merah.

No court, no net. Just 100% cement floor. I can never see where's the 'ball', shuttlecock?

On rare occasions, I would managed to hit it back to my friend, and that would be enough to trigger me into buy the TOP of TOP range badminton racket..YONEX! I made sure it was light, it was shiny, it had a special name which i cannot remember now. Most importantly, when I swing aka SMASH, it will make a whipping sound. Straight after I bought the badminton racket, my friend and I grew less fond of each other. I think she figured WDF playing with me. She had a better chance playing with a wall.

I would consider one day picking up that badminton sport again. After gaining much inspiration from my new home country and its world famous players. Not to mention a chance to meet LIN DAN.. zero?

Cool. Proton I would like to play badminton. Will you sponsor a novice like me?

Hallo Anybody?

2009-04-17T22:36:00.007+08:00

48 hours and hours counting.

Deprived of food, water and sleep send my brains and system into a tailspin.

Amidst this I try to pretend I can behave like a pro but actually I feel worse than a toilet bowl.

Figures, designs, time management, deadlines, rationale, wit, heart .. I cannot keep track.

It feel likes it will never end.. the drama keeps playing.

I feel like the marathon runner.. sprinting towards the goal only....

I swing between different state of minds.. I wanted to quit.. I really did.

Pit stop .. I get to recover alittle.. but I am vomitting, suffering an aftermath.

I took some photos to commemorate what I did and document how I feel.

I show you if you don;t mind. I let my camera do the talking and it did a perfect job.

p.s. Best of all, I am really not alone and many suffered worse.

Little Hayley

2009-04-16T01:30:00.002+08:00

TO HAYLEY

I LOVE YOU

MAMA

knowing self and others

2009-04-15T18:56:00.005+08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson%27s_stages_of_psychosocial_development

doo do doo do dooo ...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Value_theory

doo do doo do dooo ...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kohlberg%27s_stages_of_moral_development

doo do doo do dooo ...

am reading to become a mind reader... wish me luck.

Wish list

2009-04-14T10:54:00.003+08:00

Not too long ago, someone asked me to prepare a wish list.

The idea of a wish list fascinates me, cos I cannot recall making a wish list.

Initially, I thought the person has asked me what I would like to achieve in this lifetime.

But actually the person is just asking for a list of potential clients i would like to meet.

I think to myself again, how fascinating, I have never put it that way before.

For as long as I have worked in this business, I haven't never really create a list of companies I would like to meet.

Then the daunting task of thinking and writing them down. The word 'wishlist' keep playing in my head over and over again. Having so much work pending, thoughts all over the place, I cannot think straight. I started randomly thinking about what i have been doing and what I wish for for various aspects of my life.

I stumbled upon my sister's blog and saw a childhood picture of us. It reminded me how far (even physically) we have travelled. That's really an achievement.

So back to that the wish list:

Children to be happy and healthy.

Hayley to break that junk food eating habit

Kobe to be able to learn like a normal child

Hubby to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise...

Mom and Dad to be happy and healthy

Siblings to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise

Family members to be happy and healthy

My business partners and my colleagues to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise

As for myself, to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise...

An administrator would be nice

101 on how to tame Malaysian Tigers.

And to wish that if anyone of the above crosses your path, I hoped you too will be infected by our joy, good health, generosity and wisdom.

p.s. Are those tiger stripes I see in today's sky?

Your Smile Makes Me Cry

2009-04-12T23:20:00.005+08:00

Little boy. You love to smile.

You smiled when you were born.

When the doctor brought you to me on the day you were born, i was the one who cried like a baby.

When you were a baby, you smiled like a little honey pot. Strangers swarmed to pinch your cheeks. You didn't know any of them but you smiled at them still.

When you grew slightly older, you became sick. When you smiled again, I cried again.

You smile all the time. You even smiled when you had tears in your eyes.

And I wonder,

did you smile becos you see God smiling at you while we can't?

did you smile becos you see happiness in everything you touched?

did you smile becos you know that we love you so much that we cry when we see you smile?

I love you, boyboy, Kobebaby. Happy Birthday! I wish you will grow up to be strong healthy and of course always smiling.

beetle

2009-04-11T00:00:00.011+08:00

Mr and Mrs Chan live next door.

I arrived in Petaling Jaya in 1995. Mr and Mrs Chan are our neighbours. This elderly couple who were in their late 60s or perhaps early 70s has 3 children.Only one of them lives with them. I used to watch them becos there is no wall between our houses.

They were just divided by a mesh wire fence. From what i observed, they lived fairly routined lives. Every morning I would see them drive out somewhere in their vintage white VW beetle. My husband was very fond of the VW Beetle and used to tell me that if only Mr Chan would sell his beetle, he would buy it in a blink of an eye. They never did.. it was their prize possession. I watched them drive around in it for over a decade. Now long ago to my surprise, I saw Mr and Mrs Chan driving out in a new perodua kelisa. As for the beetle, it just sat quietly in their garden.

and in recent months, I stopped seeing Mr and Mrs Chan. I wonder where have they gone, and felt kinda sad that those familiar faces are not around. and their house looked deserted. The beetle that once carried them around is also found deserted at the side of the road. I woke up this morning to a loud uncomfortable sound. when i looked out, this is what I saw.

Goodbye the friendly neighbourhood VW beetle. You did well. I will remember you..as you once faithfully accompanied your beloved owners and brought them safely to many places. I envy you as you would have learnt from Mr and Mrs Chan, what is love, what it meant to honour marriage vows and remain steadfast in this journey call life.

Muahahaha

2009-04-10T00:11:00.008+08:00

My friends at work were busy. I couldn't help them.

I was agitated. I was charged. I was inspired and then I was restless.

So I went to my computer. I look for that _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ image.

I put it in my preview software and amateurishly changed the colour to my liking

I looked into my library and looked for that _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ photo I took.

I printed, enlarged and photocopied them on top of one another.

My friend were still busy and oblivious of what I was doing.

I found a chalk wrote a so then I thought was a clever word.

And one of my busy friend saw what I was doing and offered to help me add some finishing touches to it.

Enthusiastically I took my first commercially intended visual to my client.

I sold them the sun, the moon and even threw in some free planets from other galaxies.

They told me in the most encouraging tone, that they loved my concept but were doubtful about the execution i.e. my creatives.

I knew I didn;t stand a chance when they casually shoved my artwork one side.

MUAHAHAHAHAHA.... SOBS SOBS SOBS.

Good try, but honestly I really don't know what got into me.. perhaps the RED BULL Vapors lingering in the office atmosphere..

this is also the reason why my friends at work continue to be busy. As for me, I like to say " I just watched"

p.s. Hats off guys I really love you.

Alamak What's This?

2009-04-09T01:43:00.005+08:00

What is This? You look like a machine monster.
So ugly.. sorry no offense.
Oh man... but seriously what are you?
Who build you and why are you here?
There were 4 or 5 of you parked by the side of the road.
You must serve a purpose or otherwise you would not be here.
But seriously why do you have to look like this?

Blog Therapy

2009-04-08T01:22:00.004+08:00

Blogging is so strange... I am discussing the issue about blogging with my significant other.

Discussing the interest value of subject matters of your blog entries.

I ponder upon this new found habit. And reflects on the many blogs I have come across and read since I started this.

I realise the attraction to this new found habit lies with a few human behaviour fundementals: to feel important,

to be heard and acceptance, the share...(perhaps there are more)

the irony to be private yet voicing our innermost thoughts in a public media

Amidst this vast media arena awaiting for our voice to be heard and endorsed.

To make a mark in this lifetime before we part and say yes I have existed.

People know my existence becos they can see my blog.

We are civil here, we are patient, we are considerate and we are gentlemen (at least in most cases)

During verbal conversation, we cannot wait to be heard. So we tend to talk more than we listen.

Here while blogging we can talk and listen at the same time. We take time to reflect what is being said and respond intelligently. Everyone gets an equal chance. Everyone has access to everyone. I can even read and comment on the Prime Minister's blog if I want to , no special permit necessary. if ISA catch you for what you blogged, they will later have to apologise and go answer to the human right's commissioner.

We can be different people with different voices in blogs, no one will bring us to asylum.

Who can blame us afterall we are made to be intelligent beings..

Last most important fundemental of being a human.. Honesty..

I related to that honesty I have in my blogs and I can sniff out a honest blog from one which is not.. I applaud the courage for people to confess and admit.. success, challenges and responsibilities of being a human.

So Viva la Bloggers... Blog like there's no tomorrow..

p.s. Thanks for the wonderful feedback on that previous blog cos I was trying to find a reason for this crazy midnight habit.. you breathe meaning to my insanity.

With love.

Do you like my blog

2009-04-07T00:12:00.003+08:00

Dear blog readers, I have been blogging for 1 month.. faithfully.

like many promotional activities its good to have feedback once in a while to improve.

Can you give me some feedback. If perhaps you are lost for words, maybe a question to help you with : "Do you like my blog"

thank you for reading.. really it means alot to me. Cos some people looked at me differently during this exercise.. I look at myself and my world differently.

2009 April 4

2009-04-05T22:59:00.007+08:00

April 4 2009, Chinese don't like the no.4. It sounds like 'die' in chinese.

this day happens to be one of the saddest days in my life. I have less than 5 really sad days to date.It must be really really sad in order for it to make this list.

I remember sitting in the cab feeling absolutely helpless, sobbing quietly and praying for God to take over. It was also Qing Ming (all soul's day for the chinese).

I later received a phone call, telling me my prayers were answered. Though I was relieved but my heart was still heavy. I went on to watch Cheer Chen's Concert.

But I heard an angel sings at this concert.

Her angelic child like voice sang of lyrics from the deepest, most private of one's heart. She said very little to build rapport with the audience. There are no small talks, no flattery. Just compliments to the musicians and gratitude for opportunity to share music. Cheer is a strange girl..according to a friend she is extremely shy with very little social skills. Her songs are like musical entries from a diary. She too may have experienced bad patches in her life. But she sang of hope and love. its as if she was singing to the one person whom I know was struggling that night. The concert is for her to Cheer her on. But she is not there to listen for herself. I represented her that night in attending the concert. She was the one who introduced Cheer to us. She is really an amazing girl, A Living Angel just like Cheer. She is my sister.

Girl with her bao

2009-04-04T02:44:00.002+08:00

This is Hayley. She loves her Bao. Tau Sa Bao, Char Siew Bao, Kong Ba Bao,

At this stage if a boy showed up with 1 dozen baos, she would elope.. :)

She sat in my car, back seat, eating her bao..

I just watched.

Lights

2009-04-04T02:38:00.003+08:00

This is a picture of the sun light casting a shadow on my bed.

Somewhere out there the same sun is casting shadows too.

I just watched.

Clouds

2009-04-04T02:19:00.002+08:00

This is a picture of the clouds I saw in the sky today.

Other clouds were forming else where.

I just watched.

Bad Judges

2009-04-02T23:03:00.006+08:00

You drive a fancy car you must be rich, you wear a suit you must be some important person,

you look good you must be so confident, you are so friendly and approachable you must be kind,

you are famous we should admire you, you are the boss your life is better than mine,

you are sick you must be weak, you don't complain means things are fine,

you smile a lot you must be happy, you laugh a lot so nothing ever bother you,

you never ask so you don't need, you are my mother so you should know it all,

you are chinese so you must be... you are malay so you must be..... you are indian so you must be... you are caucasian so you must be... , you are...da de da da da...

Shallow Shallow Shallow Shha Shha Shha Shame Shame Shame Shh Shh Shh Shoo Shoos..

Quiet.

Listen.. Just listen and observe.. so arrogant you think you know but you don't.

Look at the white which is whiter in dark.. Look at the dark for it stands out against the white. The truth... is who would ever show you the truth

Slowing Down

2009-03-30T22:43:00.004+08:00

I was driving today. Like usual when one is driving the direction to look is always ahead.

I realised I never notice the little curb by the side of the road as I am traveling.

One cannot afford to look.

When my car stopped, I took the one min opportunity to look at what's next to me, ahead of me and above me.

and I took some pictures. Split seconds and things which I would never have noticed is documented. Modern technology enabling us to document life, all things big and small. As every second passed, I realised I can never relive them so I am grateful I have pictures of those many seconds, forever in pictures. Sharing them with you tonight.

My Expressions

2009-03-28T23:49:00.003+08:00

expression 1 : opps I have said something wrong.. sorli sorli
expression 2: what da f... is that?
expression 3: Hmm I wonder if....
expression 4: secretly peeping at someone else
expression 5: looking at the weird blogs and comments.

Good Night. I have overblogged again.

Primitive Hour

2009-03-28T22:24:00.003+08:00

Just One Hour then its back to our usual ways.

Values

2009-03-27T22:37:00.004+08:00

Values definition from wiki..

A personal and cultural value is a relative ethic value, an assumption upon which implementation can be extrapolated. A value system is a set of consistent values and measures that are not true. A principle value is a foundation upon which other values and measures of integrity are based. Values are considered subjective, vary across people and cultures and are in many ways aligned with belief and belief systems. Types of values include ethical/moral values, doctrinal/ideological (political, religious) values, social values, and aesthetic values. It is debated whether some values are intrinsic.

Value of a product within the context of marketing means the relationship between the consumer's expectations of product quality to the actual amount paid for it. It is often expressed as the equation :

Value = Benefits / Price

or alternatively:

Value = Quality received / Expectations

Many other definitions are not included in this post.. please check wiki for full list of definitions.

Tonight I am sharing this word with you becos I am given the daunting task of thinking a concept for a new campaign. I have the word in my head but am wondering how to present it. I search for a meaning. I admit and believe VALUE is important, without it life would be meaningless. There will be chaos. We won't know how to manage our resources or how to prioritise. There will be no form of measure. Mathematics, ethics, chemistry social, political, family each has a set of values. Value influence our decisions. each person definition vary based on our background and circumstances

The most universal standard for value definition is Money. Quite honestly money is just metal or paper. the 1 dollar is made with the same paper as the 1000 dollars. but becos human gave it a value, the two item made out of the same paper is perceived differently. We quantify values by giving numbers so it become a tangible form. But what about values for some thingswhich we cannot quantify, how do they measure up? In a material obsessed world, are they less important?

Like a mother's love what's the number value for it. How about Pride, how much can it cost? Friendship? Companionship? Health ?Beauty? Smell of fresh air in the forest? When they have no quantifiable value, does it mean they can be taken for granted? Free for all? we can just take and take and take becos we need not pay. When is enough? How would we know if there a shortage? Will you enlighten me with your thoughts, my friends?

I like a story. A fisherman has a house by the sea, he has a son. He told his son: "don't be like me, there is a world out there. Study hard, get a good wage earning job in the city." The son grew up,listened to his father's advice,studied hard, graduated got himself a good wage earning job. He work very hard in the city, climbing up his corporate ladder earning alot of money. Eventually, he grew sick of working, took his hard earn money, built himself a house by the sea and retired. He fishes as a hobby. Fisherman thought a life in the city, working in a corporate world is more valuable than his life. His son after acquiring wealth from working, retired and bought himself a house by the sea and go fishing just like his father. He could have had it all his life but it had a different values then and now.

We humans started out with basics, enjoying nature, working with raw materials, went to build a frivolous world only to later realise we want nothing more than a simple life. That explain the trend of minimalism. (this is just my take)

What is the real value of life? Do certain things truly deserve the value instated to it or is it just a figment of our creative imagination. Thanks for sharing your valuable time reading this. Not quantifiable but it means alot to me

来沙滩倒冰的人

2009-03-26T22:57:00.008+08:00

阳光普照。热情。温暖。
你来自远方。寒冷。结霜。
来到沙滩。你看到了太阳。
不会欣赏的你，像是鸡言鸭讲，
不要也吧。还要倒冰。
取了热暖。把沙滩弄脏。
direct translation (english standard: broken)
sun was shining, passionate and warm
you came from afar, cold winter, frosting,
arriving at the beach,you saw the sun,
failing to admire, as if the rooster was talking to the duck.
nevermind that, you went on to pour ice,
taking away the warmth, dirtying the beach.

p.s. the author was angry, the author has writer block, the author sent a private invitation for this person from afar to visit her beach. Thank God for this person stayed on to accompany the lonely author on the beach with no sunscreen provided.

Birth of a Passion I

2009-03-25T23:58:00.010+08:00

Graphic Design.

I am a closet graphic designer. Like a closet gay, I will not confess.

I fear being rejected for I am not trained. I stand in the midst of designers and their designs with awe and envy. The clever ever flowing creativity, wondering to myself, where did it all come from. how how how do they do it?

I wish I have realised it earlier, this burning inside, deep deep within. I search to see if there were any signs of this passion during my childhood days. How did graphic design burn such a mark into me.

When i first learnt to ask what's my dad's occupation, he told me he is a graphic technician. I was only 8 maybe. I don't know what that means then. Everyday is haphazard but Saturday is bookshop day for him. He would hang out in Shanghai Bookstore and Commercial Book store just chatting for hours with his friends. It was a weekly gathering. I followed him every now and then. While they are chatting, I would sit in a corner either listening to them talk or run off to the children books section to look at books.I must admit its more the layout, pictures and colour which captivated me than the actual stories. Weeks after weeks, months after months, years after years.

I developed a passion, almost undying love for designs when creativity, words, colours, pictures comes together, crossing all media platforms. the colours,the colours of the photos, the size of the fonts, the space between the words, tells little little stories like human 's body language.

So much is said even before you speak. So fascinating.

I am afraid to step out of my closet. I love it so much that I fear if truly one day if I become one who design I would resent this love of my. what a dilemma. Patience, no hurry, no hurry cos I am half way there. with a little coaching, a little inspiring, a little practice i may just be able to make it one day.

The thought I would like to share is when you are lost, backtrack backtrack, trace back the steps from which you came from. Find that little something that bring that smile, make your stomach weak. Find that burning passion whether is sewing, photography, listening to bird sings, riding on a motobike, cooking, talking to old folks, nursing the sick, exercising, drawing, politics, fashion, dancing.... embrace that cos that's where you find your soul.

p.s The other passion: Singing (another day).

words of wisdom

2009-03-25T01:13:00.004+08:00

words of wisdom were spoken,

one hour of quality time, twice a week,

focus focus. The key to all greatness is this one hour.

That one hour will determine your child's destiny.

One hour can treat their self confidence issues, learning difficulties etc.

I believe I need many one hours of many things.

One hour of quality time with Kobe, Hayley and Raymond (3 hours), one hour of quality time with my mom and dad (1/2 hour each), one hour with my siblings (1/2 hour each), one hour with my friends (1/4 hour each), one hour for myself and God (1/2 hour each), one hour to do the must-dos eat,brush teeth,makeup,dress up,shit etc (1/8 hour each), one hour to sort your work, one hour to do your work, one hour to travel(could well be more). one hour of *blank*.

Hours and hours. there's only 24 hours a day, out of which 8 hour goes to sleeping so 16 hours left.

I cannot keep tracks of my hours. I just know that I need some sort of time management, sorting out which hour to do what. if I live to be 66, I will have 262,800 hours to use in total.

not alot of hours to think about it. I can't even be a millionare in hours. I will commit my one hour to my precious cos i don;t know how many of their one hours will be left for me.

thanks dora for inspiring me tonight.

I will give earth one hour.

Princess Convention

2009-03-24T00:24:00.004+08:00

3 days convention

calling for all princesses to attend

encourage to bring your own entourage

wear the appropriate attire i.e. tiara, rings, necklace, puffy princess gowns, elaborate hairdos

help distinguish you from commoners

Kings and queens are expected to pay admission

Main topic of convention: what to look for when choosing your future prince

Must sing, look great in tights, swing around like monkeys, slay villains and dragons to save you, most importantly carry you around with one hand regardless of your body weight.

Missing Supper

2009-03-23T23:53:00.005+08:00

its 11.54 and I am not having supper.

I am not going for my teh tarik.

I am going cold turkey.

My stomach is yelling, my lips are dry, my head is heavy..

I miss my brothers.

but my thighs are touching and as a result some of my pants have torn .

I am too lazy for gym and find time for excuses rather than exercise.

I am doing a wang mei zhi ke (looking at the berry to quench my thirst).

Humour me a little while I show you what I am missing...

Tough Situations

2009-03-23T01:23:00.006+08:00

In face with tough situations.
I thought my situation is bad. But not that bad yet compared to what some people are facing. Many times, I am consumed by my inner saddness. But when i hear of people going through tougher situations, I sigh a breath of relief.
I heard of a friend of my husband being ill-stricken with cancer, she is fighting for her life even as I am blogging. I heard of a uni friend who passed away recently from nose cancer, I see in the news of the sudden passing of a talented actress from a skiing accident, I heard of a grand auntie who is diagnosed with cancer, I heard of people who is struggling with self worth and loneliness, I know of a friend who is fighting to adjust to a new life, I know of a couple who subject themselves to all kinds of pain just have children. Financial crisis has brought forth more pain among us. And the list goes on.
Life's really tough. I thought my situation is tough, but I really cannot imagine myself lying in the hospital bed fighting... Perhaps when someone saw me years ago will sigh a breath of relief that her children are fine. How difficult can our life situations be, how do we measure? is mine tougher than yours? I cannot understand why some of these things happen? Perhaps we need tough situations to toughen us up. Opposites attracts. Equal amounts of bliss and tribulations in this world. While one is born another dies. While one is smiling another cries. While one enjoy the Sun another feels the cold. Without the opposites, we won't know the value of life because we will have nothing to compare against.
I pray for all who are caught in their lives tough situations, they will find peace. Somewhere out there their stories will be heard and people will learn as a result what to cherish and what to be grateful for.

p.s. Hang on hang on.

A Birthday Bag

2009-03-21T21:29:00.007+08:00

Today is my good friend Janice's Birthday.

A week and a half ago we were scratching our heads on what to get for her.

By the way, Happy Birthday Janice!

I must confess, am not a very creative person.

So decided to hint to her that I will be giving her an angpow.. but she requested for a bag instead.

So I have decide to employ Dora's creative sewing skills to sew a bag.

I sneaked into Kamdar to buy some fabrics.. things which I think she may like.. but I guess I bought what I liked.

Secretly, I brought back the cloth and show them to Dora. My genius sister aka cofounder of "Wonderful Mistakes" took a look, told me no problem and brought them home to sew. It took her a solid 5 hours to finish.

The following monday she showed me the almost finished bag and ask me bring it home to add that little something to it before she finish.

The point I want to make in this blog entry is ..

this bag is my first bag design. I drew inspiration from another bag I have. But the fabric combination is something I thought about..I love it . I love the fact that Dora manage to turn my ideas into a reality. I love the way it look even though it wasn't finish. I sat there that night wondering if Janice would love it as much as I do. I am a crazy bag fan and can always do with an extra bag. I set there with my first design.. and wish it would stay there with me forever.

I took some pictures with it. I took pictures while I am sewing it. I took becos I know it is not my to keep.

it is a bag. what if it had been a child you carry inside you for nine months.. what would that feeling be like?

I parted it with the comfort knowing that my friend who now owns it would cherish and love it perhaps more than me and dora.

Janice,

All of us Peppies love you very much Janice.. so we went through so many discussions before deciding on what to give you this year..though we know how you feel about an angpow but really we do want you to decide ultimately... cos all of us want you to be happy.

Lots of love always

DIANE

p.s look up dora's blog at http://doraexplora7676.blogspot.com on related article.

A mei's concert

2009-03-21T21:20:00.004+08:00

One of the best female singers of our times.

Very passionate and very powerful performance.

Absolutely love her.

Overblogged

2009-03-20T00:31:00.004+08:00

I have overblogged. I read too many blogs and have been blogging every night.

This exercise over stimulates my brains,

I find hard to sleep. while trying to sleep I think about my fellow bloggers and things I've read.

I did not have caffeine but feel equally as high. Highly charged with emotions and opinions.

I wrote my blog and commented on other people's blogs..late into the night searching...

I am frustrated to find no new entry on some of my favourite blogs..like missing an episode of my favourite series. It's 2 am and I can't sleep.

It's 9am and I can't wake. It's 3pm and I want to sleep. It's 5pm and I want to blog ...again.

Like the newly weds, I am having my honeymoon now with the blog. We have yet quarrel or grown sick of each other.

It's a blogger's suicide to continue this.. so my friends tonight I shall play you some piped-in music.. enjoy while I go brain dead for tonight.

Uncle Lee Uncle Lee

2009-03-19T00:39:00.006+08:00

It is my routine to read asiaone.com. it keeps me in touch with the latest news mainly from Singapore and Malaysia. The website features important world news to the most sensational news gossips. Just how a Singaporean living in Malaysia likes it.

I came across this article on Minster Mentor Mr. Lee Kwan Yew saying to "Exhort Chinese Parents in Singapore". I reacted very strongly, mixed feelings overwhelmed me.

I think to myself such a hypocrite and so very ironic.

EXHORT in 2009? My mother went to a chinese high school in Singapore during the 50s.

That's the time when Singapore just gained its independence, when the british left and when Mr Lee Kwan Yew was trying to gain popularity among the grassroots population. PAP (people action party) Capital P.. for Propoganda. Cannot blame them cos a lot of population are hard labourers with little education and low income. The Nation needed moulding, reshaping and alot needed to be done.

My mother together with her group of friends speak Mandarin and write perfect chinese. But as the nation grew there was little opportunities for them. Everyone who tried to "Internationalise" their businesses, wanted someone who can speak English. Being multi-racial, English became the common language for the nation.

The English Ed became the Elite and Chinese Ed became the rejects.

School Subjects are all in English , Chinese Schools are only by name but not by practice.

I had one Chinese class it was compulsory subject, you have to pass it.

Mandarin is my mother tougue, my English is horrendous may still be.. in fact i used to be too shy to even speak English cos people would laugh at my grammar.

Times are different. Now China have become the big world economy player, it is acceptable to speak Mandarin and know Chinese again.

I realised as a byproduct of my nations policies, i became a biligual. fluent in both English and Mandarin. unlike some of my Geng Geng Singaporeans I am the puah tang zui (water half filled)

I am neither very good in my English or my Chinese. the sad thing is I cannot write Chinese without auto spell and i struggle to read Chinese books or papers.

Uncle lee what have you done Uncle Lee.

For the longest time, my mother felt she is below par becos she cannot speak English.

A lot of her friends shares the same sentiments.

Exhort them then exhort them now.

Exhort the ones who brave being ostracize for having more than 2 children during your 70's birth control campaign, for it is their children who works the fields of your nation today.

Exhort them then exhort them now

Exhort them who embraced creativity who think Art is more than Science, for it is them who breathe lives to the lifeless souls in the nation.

Exhort them then exhort them now

Exhort those who speak their minds, rebel against the norms, break the barriers, for it is them who give a voice to the new generation.

I exhort you Uncle Lee then and I Exhort you now.

You will forever be my hero, for it is you who made Singapore what it is and gave me a place which I call home.

but look at all of us closely with more hearts and less minds for we are the sons and daughters of your land.

Crazy weather

2009-03-18T00:22:00.003+08:00

Scorching Hot.. Pouring rain

Why is the weather like this?

33 degrees.. then it drops 23 degrees

Hot then cold.

Drive people nuts. Drive me nuts.

I got sun burnt in the morning got drench at night.

Why like that?

like the weather my mood fluctuates.

One min I am happy, warm and helpful, next min I am angry and sad.

I am not the only person who feels this way i think.

also I will ask Why like that?

to my fellow humans.... sorry, cos perhaps we are indeed only human.

Everyday is a Party

2009-03-16T01:16:00.003+08:00

Hayley likes parties. There is a constant party scene playing in her head.

Holiday-Petaling Street

2009-03-16T00:37:00.006+08:00

We did it! I suggested a trip to Petaling Street.

Somewhere with no air con and rows rows of franchise stores.

Ok.. instead we got rows and rows of fake watches and luxury handbags.

The purpose of the trip was to visit KL Commercial bookstore.

A chinese bookstore. soak up some local cultures and flavours.

We ate at the food court behind the street.

we tried everything. Yong Tau Foo is fantastic, Chee Cheong Fun is good,

Assam Laksa is good too, curry noodle ok, pork ball noodle is pingping.

looking at some of old buildings reminds me of my childhood days.

the building used to looked like this too. I can't say what style are they cos I am not an expert.

I just know the mosaics layout is really familiar. Cannot find them like this is SIngapore anymore

cos they have torn them down and restored them to look different.

I missed them. I missed that feeling. late 70s, 80s and 90s.. 2000s.

I 'll bring my children to places to look at things and experience life in their times.

So that when they grow up, they know exactly what they are looking for.

Don't you like this

2009-03-12T21:50:00.004+08:00

I remember this toy.

the one I remember looked a bit different

Its very cute cos you can never make it fall

No matter how hard you try pressing it down, it keep bouncing up each time you let go

Its swings around and make a lot of sound

Becos it has bells in its stomach

I like this toy..

I dedicate it to you.

Humble the Bully

2009-03-10T23:00:00.009+08:00

She was not a nice kid. Like many kids she couldn't understand why were those children different.

Those children known as friends or schoolmates are intellectually slower.

They were placed in the last class of the school. 'Outcast'..'Stupid' and 'Weird' they were called.

One of them took on a liking to her and she didn't like it.

She resented it. She thought this girl was weird. This girl liked to follow her around in school.

Somedays if she was in a good mood she would talk to this girl. Some day she turned nasty,she shooed this girl away and asked her to leave her alone. They were 8 or 9 years old then.

This girl never really did anything to provoke her except showing her admiration for her.

She never accepted this girl..

She grew up and she became a nice lady. She thinks about her 'weird' friend once in a while.

Wondering why she then so resented her being. She feels sorry for what she did.

She has her own children eventually. One of her children is 'special'. He attends a special school.

He is slower than the other kids of his age. She loved him more than life.

She remembered her friend and she thinks perhaps her friend too was special.

learning disability, down syndrome, autism, dyslexic, brain damaged, cerebral palsy...

She will never know..

God has strange plans for one to make amends.

recycle

2009-02-17T00:03:00.001+08:00

What is the plan? The Grand Plan?

Selfishness Viciously Lazy, Refusal to Obey.

We produce and reproduce in all vigor and arrogance.

For the good of the people; for the material benefits of self and at the expense of nature.

He provided but we said "Let me do it.. cos I am not satisfied".

More more and more. but there is no more.

So let's look at it again.

Less is more?

If I suggest Recycle will it be pretentious act?

Will it be a fad?

God gives us wisdom like in all things.

The heat from the sky is driving us mad.. how can we resist from switching on the air con which contributes to Global Warming?

Holeleedays

2008-07-30T22:25:00.000+08:00

"This is the year of the hungry man

Whose place is in the past

Hand in hand with ignorance

and legitimate excuses"

Hole filled days. Empty spots in life awaiting to be filled.

Holely days; holeleedays. I desire to fill them my ways.

Share with you my ways of filling up my holeleedays.

I too yearn to be holy one day. Be worthy.

Meantime, I will just look forward to my holidays.