Ironic

I thought about falling into the river, but I coaxed myself telling myself no it won't happen to me. 

I decided I have all my friends including my hubby surrounding me, like a human barricade i will be fine. I said a prayer, listen to the safety instructions, without a second thought I jumped into the raft and brave the current. 

Not bad for a freaking first timer with aqua phobia who can't swim for nuts. 

The irony is I who was most paranoid about falling ended up being the first to fall out of the raft. it was only 5 mins max from time we started and BOOM the warm up rapids hit us and out I flew.. I went straight into the water.. nothing to cling on to..wash away quickly by the strong currents. first thing in my mind is OH NO.. this cannot be.. my biggest fear! then while drinking a whole lot of water, I told myself.. do do do ..float float ..do what the instructor say.. as the current wash me further further.. I felt really helpless.. sad that this has happened. 

Suddenly the current became mildly and I saw myself moving towards BIG ROCKs.. it then daunts on me to go grab so I will stop flowing downstream. Just in the nick of time, SALVATION.. a fellow rafter came and pull me up into their raft. So just like that I am saved. 

I have 2 mins to recover before I rejoin my friends in my raft and we are back to brave more rapids.. The Next one is BOOM BOOM. BIGGEST ONE..

Funny that few seconds seem symbolical to the chain of events that has happened in my life in recent years. Life is unpredictable.. its full of rapids.... when I fell right to the pits .. when I thought this is it.. someone came and pull me right out. You can imagine what it would be liked, fear it, rehearse and rehearse the emergency drill but until an actual event happens you will never know how you would react.. I know I am fighter .. I fight amidst my fear, my sadness, my weakness, my despair, my inadequacies... I hung tight onto a fact in this lifetime there is much left undone..and I will fight till God calls me home and say this is good enough. Best of all, I rejoiced on the fact that when I am back from rock bottom, my love ones, my friends, my fellow warriors are there to share the moment with me.